God Healed Me From the Poison of Heresy
Mingqin Chen
Hallelujah! Praise the True God of Heaven, who has granted us eternal life and granted us the hope for eternal life. We also thank the Lord Jesus Christ who loves us and cleansed our sin with His precious blood, that we may be reconciled to God.
Here in the Holy Name of Lord Jesus Christ I testify how God saved me from a confused faith, delivered me from the demonic spirit of error, and cleansed my sins, that I may have new, upright Spirit.
I, Mingqin Chen, am currently part of the Edinburgh True Jesus Church. Thank God for not forsaking me. 25 Years ago, He chose me, and I was baptized into the only True Church at the Heidelberg, Germany, TJC House of Prayer. I recall these 25 years of constant grace and mercy from God and His constant daily watch over me so I will not depart from His sheepfold. Thinking of this, I cannot bear to be silent while enjoying His grace, but am compelled to cry out, “Praise the Lord, O my soul! Offer God the maker of the heavens and earth the highest praise and glory!”
As we all know, the ultimate goal of a Christian is to enter into that glorious paradise in heaven. We trust that God will use His mighty hand to save us so that we can eventually meet Him face to face on the last day. Furthermore, while we are on earth, His abidance with us is like heaven on earth. God’s thoughts and intentions toward us are always good and truly surpass our imagination.
My journey of faith began as one who did not know Jesus at all to one who finally accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior. God lead me from a godless Presbyterian church to the True Jesus Church established by the Spirit. However, as time passed, I eventually lost the fervent zeal from my initial faith. I became cold and lacked any true spiritual knowledge. Gradually, I felt the peace and joy of God slip away from my heart, and then went through a dark time of struggle. By God’s grace and mercy, He eventually rescued my superficial faith and delivered me from the mouth of the lion and from the darkness. This path of returning back to God took much replanting, watering, tearing down, uprooting, and rebuilding. And today, I finally taste the wonderful, vibrant life that I once experienced when I first received the washing of regeneration and the renewal of the Holy Spirit. I am now living a new life rejoicing as a new creature in Christ.
The Process of Rebuilding
In February 2016, I was infected with acute pneumonia. At first I thought it was just a cold, so I took something to alleviate my pain and gave myself plenty of rest. I did not expect that after three days, my condition continued to worsen rather than get better, as with other colds. I began to vomit and was completely unable to eat or drink. In addition, having taken too much pain medication, my body suffered dehydration and damage. I felt as if I was on the verge of death. However, the strange thing was that I felt as though my soul was in danger of being suffocated to death, even more intensely than the feeling of dying physically. Normally, colds and diseases were not so devastating.
During this time, a question suddenly started to plague my mind, and I could not seem to rid myself of such thinking: ”The Devil is Self-Existent.” How strange; I wondered why I was so obsessed with these thoughts while being so ill. It was so bizarre to have such thoughts pop into my mind so unexpectedly, yet I could not seem to rid myself of these thoughts; they were like tentacles that tightly gripped onto my mind. At that time, I thought that I had already mentally understood and accepted that this heresy was wrong. However, why did such thinking constantly surface to challenge the “Only God is Self-Existent” doctrine in my mind? At that point in time, my mind began to fight a war within. At times I was clear and other times I was completely muddled. When my body started to regain some strength, I quickly went to get my past notes on this subject to re-read them carefully. Nevertheless, it seemed impossible to stem the tide of challenges from this false belief. It felt as if several insects had occupied my mind, which almost suffocated me.
I told my husband about what was happening. He was amazed and asked me, “Do you still believe that the Devil is self-existent?” I answered, “No!” but somehow these opposing thoughts continue to repeatedly plague my mind. In response, my husband took the time to explain once more to me why the Devil is not self-existent. Even so, I was unable to shake free from the barrage of such thoughts. I really did not know what to do. I was so tormented within, I cannot begin to describe the pain I felt.
Then, in the following days, two more questions started plaguing my mind. The first was on the issue of forgiveness. We all know the importance of forgiving others, but I continued to harbor the things of the past deep within me, telling myself that as long as I didn’t think about them, I would be fine. However, this was not real forgiveness, and such dispensation blocked my heart from receiving the true peace of God. As this problem reappeared in my mind, I knew what I had to do, but was unable to overcome myself.
The second involved my transgressions against God. After we sin against Him, we know that if we repent and confess our sins to Him, He will be faithful to cleanse us from all sins - a truth we have often heard and are familiar with. I thought I understood this too, but I later realized that my understanding was very shallow. It seemed that because I felt so guilty and unworthy, I was afraid to turn to God to plead for mercy and help. This negative thinking has caused me so much pain and grief.
These three problems entangled me so much that I felt like I could not breathe. I felt so powerless to continue battling in the war to the point where I felt it would be better if I died than lived, and felt as if I was forsaken by God. After consulting with my husband about these things, he asked me in bewilderment, “About the false doctrine of the self-existence of the Devil, do you feel like you strongly hate this fallacy?” I pondered over his question and discovered that I did not have such strong rejection and hatred toward this heresy. I wanted to feel this way, but how was I to begin feeling like that?
Thanks be to the Lord who examines our hearts! He knew that I was too weak so He stepped in and opened my understanding so that I might comprehend clearly, “If I continue to accept the heresy that the devil is self-existent, although not forever existent because he will be defeated by God, then I would be upholding the idea that the devil possesses some portion of God’s power and that he is not subject to the sovereignty or control of God, except at a future point in time with the devil’s destruction. Moreover, I would not see that actually everything is under God’s control. Furthermore, I would not place absolute trust in God, nor believe that no matter what the circumstances, everything has the perfect and beautiful will of God, and that His thoughts are higher than our thoughts, His ways higher than our ways. Of course, I would consequently have a hard time letting go and forgiving others as well. If God had absolute sovereignty, then whatever He wanted me to confront, I would face it. However, if I still thought the devil was self-existent, then perhaps he had such power too, and then to whom would I offer thanksgiving to?”
Likewise, such belief of the devil’s self-existence will also “hinder me from believing in the absolute love and mercy of God, and that the blood of Jesus continues to wash and cleanse me of my sins. If the devil is self-existent, then he would have a part of the image of God. Then, I would not dare to pray after sinning against God to meet God in prayer because in the spiritual realm, I would fear meeting the devil instead.”
Praise and thank the true God of heaven above, Abba Father! After such thoughts became clear to me, hatred for such false teachings naturally sprang from my heart. These thoughts have brought me nothing but agony and suffering in the spirit to the point where I would almost rather die than live. They took me captive in a place of darkness where I was separated from God. But thank God for his deliverance, and that I am able to be victorious in this battle. I have gone from death into life and passed through the valley of the shadow of death. The Holy Spirit has cleansed me, so I have regained an upright Spirit within me as well. Hallelujah! Praise and glory to the merciful Savior Jesus Christ!
May this testimony be shared among the brothers and sisters, to encourage everyone to pray for one another. Please continue to pray for me, so I can change from a foolish person to one who grows daily in the Lord, who will be qualified to enter into that eternal rest, the beautiful kingdom of God.
May all the perfect glory and praise be given unto the Father who loves us! Amen!